there's nothing nicer than sitting with good friends in bad seats at Broadway Under the Stars in Bryant Park, shivering in perfect slightly chilly weather while listening to Jewel butcher old broadway songs you've never heard, hearing mike bloomberg get booed in front of 6,000 pple, eating a mushy rancid grape by accident, sipping $4 wine you're keeping hidden in a brown paper bag till your bladder is near bursting, walking back to the subway and singing les mis tunes aloud drunkenly
SARS is in the air
baghdad is still exploding
another plane has been hijacked
apparently, according to our military commanders, the Iraqi enemy is "different from the one we'd war-gamed against"
we're losing way too many troops
we still have a monkey for a president
I am still blogging about war in every stupid post
the talking fish was right. suddenly the jokes josh and I made about selling holy gefilte fish on ebay aren't funny anymore. well, ok, they still kind of are. you people out there might be eating your last prophet. that's kind of jesus-y in a way, isn't it?
you know what would make this war? if one of Bush's daughter's (that blonde one) and one of Saddam's sons (the crazy one), despite cultural and age differences, despite the terrible war between their two countries, and even despite the deep hatred between their fathers, fell madly in love with each other. not really torn between any kind of loyalty, they would commit unspeakable acts of treason or patricide for their love, thus unintentionally saving the world from ruthless, power hungry, vengeful dictatorships in their own selfishness. then their story would be made into a tv movie called A Conflict to Love, or More Than a Gulf Between Them: The Jenna and Uday Story. and afterwards, maybe Jenna would set Barbara up with Qussay. Saddam and Bush would be super pissed off, assuming they made it through the patricide.
maybe I should give up on writing and go into tv movies. they seem rather lucrative.
what's on in the background: When Diplomacy Fails on abc
sounds like a failed fox show. there should be video clips of the bush monkey getting a bat to his hoohah or him falling down the stairs of air force one with added cat screeches and zips n' zings.
we're going to war now. the last time this happened, I was in high school performing sketches of the then new america's funniest home videos in french, and the only time we talked about the war was in social studies. things were so much more simple and innocent then. this time around though, we don't have a general with a good ass-kicking name. I could see us winning a war with general schwartzkoff. sargeant slaughter. another good name. but general tommy franks? we're not winning any wars with that name.
does this mean wolf blitzer is going to make a comeback? now, that was a great name. you can't tell me he was born with it. I won't believe you.
it's kind of hard to be frivolous with the reality of a WAR looming over us. or maybe not...
does anyone else think it's utterly embarrassing for our nation's lawmakers to ban "french" fries in Congress and replace them with "freedom fries" instead? I'm embarrassed. don't these guys have better things to do? maybe their fat, lazy asses need to lay off the fries, freedom or otherwise, and get down to business.
shizzolating cnn and turning a headline that read "Protect Your Home and Your Car From The Weather" into "Pro'tect Yo Crib 'n Yo Hooptie From Da Elementz"
a fan shouting "THAT'S WHY YOU FUCKING RULE!" loud enough to be clearly heard over a crowd of several hundred after Glen Phillips paused to tune his guitar saying, "Oh, that's why I can't tune my guitar, I was looking at the wrong thing."
hearing but not seeing a cartoonlike stampede behind me and realizing it is new cat monkey chasing sammy from one end of the apartment to the other.
horrified friends e-mailing me to sign a petition to save the poor bonsai kittens from the atrocities that only humans can think up to torture poor defenseless animals. Let me say this: I love bonsai kittens. The grey ones are the best. In fact, I'll have a pic of bonsai Sammy soon.
I present to you the moment I realized my relationship with star wars as I knew it was over:
ANAKIN : Master, sir...I've been wondering...what are midi-chlorians?
QUI-GON : Midi-chlorians are a microcopic lifeform that reside within all living cells and communicates with the Force.
ANAKIN : They live inside of me?
QUI-GON : In your cells. We are symbionts with the midi-chlorians.
ANAKIN : Symbionts?
QUI-GON : Life forms living together for mutual advantage. Without the midi-chlorians, life could not exist, and we would have no knowledge of the Force. They continually speak to you, telling you the will of the Force.
ANAKIN : They do??
QUI-GON : When you learn to quiet your mind, you will hear them speaking to you.
ANAKIN : I don't understand.
QUI-GON : With time and training, Annie...you will.
I can still clearly remember the feel of the horror in hearing that for the first time... actually, I migh have had that realization earlier but this one just sticks out in my mind right now.
maybe I'll feel better if I shizzolate it:
ANAKIN : Master, sir." ..I've been wondering, know what I'm sayin'? ..what are midi-chlorians?
QUI-GON : Midi-chlorians are a microcopic lifeform that reside within izzall living cells 'n communicates wit da Force."
ANAKIN : They live inside of me?
QUI-GON : In yo' cells n' shit. We are symbionts wit da midi-chlorians."
ANAKIN : Symbionts?
QUI-GON : Life forms living together fo' mutual advantage, know what I'm sayin'? Without da midi-chlorians, life could not exist, 'n we would has no knowledge of da Force, know what I'm sayin'? They
continually speak yo' ass, telling yo' ass da will of da Force, know what I'm sayin'?
ANAKIN : They do??
QUI-GON : When yo' ass learn quiet yo' mind, yo' ass will hear 'em
speaking yo' ass."
ANAKIN : I don't understand."
QUI-GON : With time 'n training, Annie n' shit. ..yo' ass will n' shit.
ahhh.... takes out the bitterness a wee bit, fo sho
I also would have felt better if Mace Windu had said, "May the force be with you...muthafucka" and "You're referring to the prophesy of the one who will bring balance to the Force...you believe it's this boy, muthafucka?"
posted by Ren @ 2:24:00 AM |
Sunday, March 02, 2003
my wishlist of nice luxury items I will get sometime in the future, budget permitting:
a comfy, leather deskchair
professional digital cam with all the bells and whistles
nice polaroid cam
chiasso dvd/cd rack with blades (the roller kind, not the sharp kind)
ski gloves, ski pants
just got back from 3 weeks in the third world. I didn't have an internet connection pretty much the whole time so basically, I was disconnected from my world. while I was gone, Toad the Wet Sprocket decided to get back together for a tour, Nell Carter died, couples I know broke up, strange couples got together, friends got into graduate schools, friends didn't, I missed a chance to see a live Something Corporate show and interview the members for blogcritics, boring Francie got popped in the head, a space shuttle was lost and astronauts died, the country went up to code orange, bonsai kitties are making a comeback, and kathy lee gifford's dog got eaten by coyotes. what a fucking weird month to miss. who knows what else I haven't heard. time to go to work. I am so fucking jetlagged. my head feels like it's trying to spin 12 hours ahead of me.
boring and nonboring pictures from my trip may be seen here.
Anna and I have known each other since the 5th grade. that was a LONG time ago....15-16 years. jesus fucking christ. and of all the people I've met in that time, she is still one of the coolest and bestest people I know. we don't get to hang out as much now that we're older (I'm lazy and stay at home all the time while she is busy chasing after fresh off the boat, barely legal boys) but whenever we do get together and talk, no one makes me laugh harder than her. that's in part because she lives in the twilight zone and is a crazy (noun, not adj) magnet, but also because she is such a funny girl. in fact, because she lives in the twilight zone and because she's so funny, when I get back from my world travels, we are going to sit down and write a book of her crazy stories and I will finally acheive literary fame albeit that of trendy helen fielding/nanny diaries fame. so not only will she be my good friend but she will also my cash cow. moo. cha-ching!
Kulaya, in the 6th grade before I really knew her, was the coolest girl in the grade. she was older, taller, wiser, and had a boyfriend/chauffeur! then we became friends and have been together through thick and thin. and though we've grown up, she is still cooler, older, wiser, has a different bf/chaffuer, but I am taller! in the days before the internet became a staple, we would chat on the denver freenet into the wee hours of the morning, griping about everything and everyone - even though we only lived 4 minutes away from each other. and now, we still chat at 3 in the morning on instant messenger, griping about everything and everyone. some things never change.
I love these girls. happy birthday to 2 of my oldest friends (even though anna is younger than me!) - anna and kuls! happy birthday chickies! we're going to take them pottery painting saturday morning and then stuff our faces with foods yo momma wouldn't let you eat - just like the good ole days. wow, we are freakin' old!
(josh wearing a scarf I will make him, a snowman wearing a ravenclaw scarf I am also making for josh, and legolas, the elf)
is what happens
(josh as velma wearing a scarf I will make him, a snowman as daphne, and legolas, the elf, as fred)
when you're watching the end of the bachelorette, are really bored, and happen to be chatting with an old friend online. actually, you should have seen the faces that we gave legolas. but I want to keep this page PG and shit, you know? god bless the yahoo doodle IMvironment. I kind of want to get one of those mouse scratch pads now - how fun would that be?
Acme Underground - Jambalaya
Hog Pit - Shepard's Pie
Monster Sushi - Tempura Soba and that other soup thing that's not sukiyaki
Marumi - Avo-Salmon Salad
Cafe Pane e Chiocolatto - Ravioli in meat sauce
Outback - Wings, Cheese Fries
Asia de Cuba - Tuna Tartare
Nobu - Miso Cod, Sashimi Salad
Pluck U - Wings
Chat N Chew - Macaroni and Cheese, fried cornmeal oysters
Baja Fresh - Ultimo Steak Burrito, no onions, no sour cream
Crepes to Go - Banane et Nutella Crepe
Peter Luger - Porterhouse, Pecan Pie with shlag
Yet to be found - Good Penne al Vodka
popcorn necklaces and macaroni pictures
these are all very good things.
I am very hungry. Can we go to these places soon? You may sign up in the comments section.
I fixed archive issues on this blog and the old one. go me. actually, I didn't fix it on curmudgies. I just made it so that if you're really really bored one day, you may read all my posts on one fun-filled page. knock yourselves out. really, knock yourselves out. this is a non-subliminal suggestion. go.
I suppose in retrospect it IS kind of weird to have an entire IM conversation consisting of my friend saying, "I want my penis puppet" and me responding, "download the song first and then I'll give you the penis puppets."
so, leaving DC to continue on to Miami, I drew the short straw and and ended up driving through the state for lovers, as it proclaims itself. made the decision to take 295 around Richmond, as the signs told me to, and just as I was reaching 95, a motherfucking pig pulled me over. I should have smelled him a mile away, the porker. the virginian ham gave me a ticket for RECKLESS driving. wtf?!? because I was going 83 mph. 83. 83. what the fuck is that all about. I was so pissed off. the court date is scheduled for end of jan. if it weren't all the way in VA, I would so fry that bacon's ass. so on the way back through VA, I then noticed all VA drivers were going the speed limit and only out of state drivers dared to drive at normal speeds in the passing lane. reckless. argh. virginia is SO not for lovers.
and South of the Border in S. Carolina... does anyone know what that is all about? a shadier place I have never encountered. we stopped there to get gas and seemed dangerously close to being mugged and lynched the whole time. we tried to get powerball tickets there too but were run out the liquor slash tourist store by a 90 yr old sheriff.
and beside the blizzard of rain we encountered for 400 miles, the drive was not bad overall.
Miami was Miami as usual. the seaquarium was like a fun class trip, both PG and Mel came. I think it's time the aquarium fetish ends though - 4 different aquariums in one year is strange when you're not a marine biologist. plus, when you're like, oh, another dolphin, great - you've def overdone it. and I just felt bad for the killer whale they had there. poor lolita. even though she has a permanent smile on her face, you just know she's not smiling on the inside.
I'm thinking staying at home for new year's next year is probably a good idea. sure I had a great time at the Rusty Pelican. we were all double fisting our drinks (as the lines for open bar were ridiculous). you know you were having a good time when everyone has a drink in each hand in every picture. however, being hungover for 2 days is not much fun. maybe I'm just getting old. I dunno. wasted my last day in miami in bed watching bad movies and passing out every hour. blech.
saw two towers again after leaving nemesis (read the link) disgusted with ourselves and decided to sneak into LOTR to make ourselves feel better. i love two towers. the only thing I have in my life to look forward to, now that the giants are out of the running, is seeing return of the king. then my life will be complete.
so I'm just past that point where I'm caught between wanting to go out for new year's to par-tay and staying at home for new year's with a bottle of champagne/person. well, with 20 pple down here wanting to get out and pay $60 for watered down open bar and all you can eat microwaved pigs in a blanket - we're off to the rusty pelican to drink my brains out since I'm not driving. probably within 6 hours, I'll be wishing I had chosen to stay at home. but who knows, in 5 hrs, it will be a new year anyway! happy new year!
posted by Ren @ 6:59:00 PM |
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
1 overnight stop
4 Outback wings, 1 pasta dish
2 fast food stops
3 possible racist incidents
9 powerball tickets
1050 miles later...
80 degrees outside
60 degrees inside
10 expected days of rest and relaxation
I heard it snowed in NY! the first time in like 15 years on xmas - and I missed it!!! ah, fuck. merry christmas.
1 mochalatta chill
1 box of popcorn
1 bag of nacho cheesier doritos
6 rows of knitting, undone
6 new rows of knitting
1 missed exit
4 cds later...
3 awesome dudes, 1 cool new roommate
1 raunchy movie
12 rows of knitting
1 bottle of wine
1 baja ultimo steak burrito, no onions
1/2 bottle of crown royale
several skyy blues
1 long game of spades
3 games of dead or alive 3
0 hours of sleep
1 extra day added to travel
I wanted to drive with greg and jenny to see christmas lights tonight but we didn't on account of us needing to wake up early in the morning to leave. so, I'm off tomorrow! the mixes are done and ready. I am almost packed. the sammy cat will be missed something terrible. first stop will be in dc to visit some badass mofos. I might get to update the blog if I'm loser enough. then we will continue for about 13-16 (depending on who's driving - of course 13, if it's me) straight hours of driving to celebrate xmas in the oppressive humidty and heat of mee-ahm-mee. mee-ahm-mee, where the closest thing I'm going to get to having a white christmas is me overnuking my matzo ball soup and exploding the matzo ball into tiny fluffy pieces spattered all over the window of the microwave. it's weird when people are jealous of you for going someplace warm for the holidays when all you are is jealous of them staying in New York. happy christmas, harry. happy christmas, ron.
posted by Ren @ 1:46:00 AM |
expectactions be damned! fourteen of us took up the entire row and even the smell of vomit that permeated the theater disappeared. I loved the two towers and I'm heartily glad of my decision to not read the books beforehand. they say tolkein's prose is not so great anyway. ah, the elf, the battle scenes, the elf throwing himself on the horse, pitiable gollum, closeups of the elf... the only bad thing - that whole dwarf tossing bit. that was kind of weird. anyway, thanks to josh, I know what wasn't in the film that was in the book and what was in the film that wasn't in the book. I don't know if it was the epicness of the movie but strangely, coming out of the theater, I started to feel this weird sense of dread which pretty much lasted the whole way home and into my dreams at night. I guess also while watching the movie, I realized that I'd never get to see this movie for the first time again and that kind of made me sad... it's always sad that you can't watch or listen to anything for the first time again. it's just not the same.
me and the boy are leaving for FL sometime this weekend. it's not right to be in 80 degree weather on Christmas, I think. I should be in my winter coat with a scarf wrapped around my face, surrounded by pine trees and falling snow. sigh. I figured we need at least 30 cds to cover the distance and I've made about 7 so far:
Beach Boys/Beatles - the best of
oldies folksies - Dylan, etc
no respect guilty pleasures - yes, there's a J Lo song on it - I'm sorry!
the North Carolina mix - ath, mike, etc...
+/- '70s - everything from Pink Floyd to disco
disney/musicals - prince ali, might is he ali ababa to i've got a rock, I've got a big ass rock and absolutely no rocky horror
turn off the lights - some tori amos, triphop, a little bit of this, a little bit of that
there are still hundreds of songs I need to form into mixes somehow...gah...
Mike Bloomberg finally did some good! smoking will be banned at work and in most bars and restaurants! in your face, obnoxious smokers. dare I dream I will finally be able to go out and not come home with bloodshot, dried-out eyes and reeking like an old ashtray? happy, clean, fresh-smelling days are here!
sorry, smoker friends, you know who you are. actually, I'm not sorry. muhahahahahaha...
I'm NOT excited. I'm NOT excited. I am NOT excited. I have NO expectations. I have NO expectations. I have NO freakin' expectations, damnit.
mantras DO work. mantras DO work...
oh, who am I kidding...of course it's going to kick some serious ass. but shhh...don't tell me that.
meanwhile, back to the knitting... Jane and her mom taught me how to crochet last night! uh oh...
posted by Ren @ 10:02:00 PM |
the stella show saturday night
renwu: i guess greg told you about stella?
renwu: michael ian black had the same reaction to greg
as babies do
renwu: veronika was talking with him and greg came up
renwu: and mike black turned standoffish and looked annoyed
renwu: it was weird
renwu: anyway, julie bowen, warren cheswick and ed's
best friend's wife were in the audience
renwu: but they ran out
renwu: right after the show
renwu: probably because greg was staring at them in a
josh: seems likely
renwu: there was full nudity in the show, it was kind
of shocking. greg's friend brought a blind date with
him, the show was liked by all, and that was our night.
josh: male nudity?
josh: was the guy hot?
renwu: er, no
josh: oh well
in case that doesn't work:
da stella show saturday night
renwu: i guess greg told yo' ass 'bout stella?
renwu: michael ian black had da same reaction greg
as babies do
renwu: veronika wuz talking wit tha dude's ass 'n greg came up
renwu: 'n mike black turned standoffish 'n looked annoyed
renwu: that shiznit wuz weird
renwu: anyway, julie bowen, warren cheswick 'n 'd's
best cuz's wife wuz in da audience
renwu: but they ran out
renwu: right after da show
renwu: probably because greg wuz staring at 'em in a
josh: seems likely
renwu: there wuz full nudity in da show, that shiznit wuz kind
of shocking, know what I'm sayin'? greg's cuz brought a blind date wit
tha dude's ass, da show wuz liked by izzall, 'n that wuz izzle night, know what I'm sayin'?
josh: male nudity?
josh: wuz da fool hot?
renwu: a, no
josh: oh well
15 worst holiday gift ideas:
10) Gifts made by your own $40-an-hour hands
At some point, the Spirit of Frugality will pin you to the floor and tell you that the best way to save money during the holidays is to make all your gifts by hand. Resist this impulse! First of all, just because you don't have money doesn't mean you have talent. Second, handmade gifts always cost more than you think, in both time and money. My truly talented sister-in-law, Deirdre, decided to make people jewelry one year. She quit when she found out how much it was costing her in supplies, never mind the all-nighters spent stringing tiny beads.
wow, ok, I haven't updated this in a while. that's because all this time, well, most of it, was spent making this:
stats: motherfucker is almost 7 feet long, 6.5 inches wide, contains at least 461 70-stitch rows, and consists of 4 balls of yarn.
and when you're making one of those, it's very difficult to type blog entries or anything for that matter. can anyone believe I made this? I can't. *I* actually made something that resembles something other than knots. it's got tons of those though plus many mistakes. so the story is that I wanted to finish my piece of spirit for the 2002 army-navy game in time for the actual game since last minute on tuesday, irene and I decided to get tickets as the game was being held at giants stadium. never having knit before, I stole this pattern from this girl who makes awesome looking hogwarts scarves and started a frenzy of knitting on wednesday. after many, many mistakes and frantic calls to jennifer, my knitting guru, I managed to finally get on with something that actually resembled a scarf. after getting the knitting down, I was able to calculate that it would take me 63 hours to finish the damn thing, which I later revised to 38 hrs as I started improving and I knit a little faster. late Thurs night, I realized it would be impossible to completely finish by the game so I decided to stay up the entire night knitting to get it at least in wearable shape. thus began a long night of listening to fast music, eating sugary foods at regular intervals, and when the sun came out, periods of staring at the sun to keep my eyes open. then I had to work, which was very painful. that night, I stayed surprisingly awake, knitting, of course, and retired at a decent time so that I could enjoy the game in a non-zombielike state.
the game rocked, for the most part. five of us set off for the stadium bundled up to the extreme. I wore the scarf, which was about 3/4 done at that point, and was badgered by some pro-army fans to whom I had proper pro-navy responses to. good start. the weather was crisp and clear. luckily, we sat on the sun side of the stadium and didn't have to endure the biting cold so much. we missed the west point march on but who cares. and alas, the leapfrogs and knights didn't parachute the game ball in because of wind conditions (I maybe felt a slight breeze that morning - which leads to some concerns about how windy or windless afghanistan/iraq may be. yeah, yeah, I know, unnecessary risks. whatever.) but we got to see helo and jet flybys, hilarious spirit spots made by the students, and navy annihilate army 58-12. lord, my scarf is lucky. at first, it was fun with navy making all those touchdowns, but in the end, as it was never a close game, it became rather unexciting and then embarrassing and many army fans began to leave the stadium. so in the spirit of fairness, I don't know if I will attend too many of these games in a row with my scarf. maybe just in 2003... eugene told me that I can use the scarf for UC Berkeley games as well, and I figure UMich and I found UWV too but we all know it's an annapolis scarf through and through.
go navy! beat army! 2003
football IS fun. but just in person.
also, knitting is not so bad, and actually, a very social activity.
posted by Ren @ 6:13:00 PM |
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
current and upcoming projects:
navy scarf (for the dec 7th army-navy game - go navy! beat army!)
at long last! the meter, she is finally exposed for the bitch that she is!
I always hated the metric system and now I have even more reason to. screw you, centimeter. die, kilometer. take that, meter, you fraud. celsius/centigrade whatever, you're next, you asshole, you.
snippets from the article in case that link goes bad:
Why the metric system is wrong
Author takes 'The Measure of All Things'
By Todd Leopold
Monday, December 2, 2002 Posted: 5:00 PM EST (2200 GMT)
(CNN) -- The meter is a crock.
Originally, you see, the metric unit of distance was supposed to be one ten-millionth of the span from the north pole to the equator.
But the Earth isn't a perfect sphere -- it's an oblate spheroid, flattened at the poles -- and every meridian isn't equal because the Earth isn't perfectly smooth, either. So the meter is an average, a compromise -- a figure agreed upon by men, not handed down by nature.
It's arbitrary, in other words.
Which makes the metric system, extrapolated largely from the meter, arbitrary as well. Not as arbitrary as the yard or the cubit or the rod or the mile, but arbitrary nevertheless.
And then there was the error made by one of the surveyors assigned with coming up with a precise measurement for the new unit. That story, and the story of the metric system's creation, is told by Northwestern University history professor Ken Alder in "The Measure of All Things" (The Free Press).
As Alder chronicles, the metric system was promulgated by the French Academy of Sciences in the years just after the French Revolution. It was a creature of the 18th-century Enlightenment, when ideas based on science, logic and mathematics were overtaking the world.
In France, the revolutionary governments were determined to take these ideas to their logical conclusions. The country changed to a decimal currency -- an idea that caught on -- and even a decimal calendar, with 10-day weeks, 10-hour days and 100-minute hours -- an idea that did not.
At the time, measures varied from town to town, and were often drawn from human scale.
"This meant that not only were some measures based on the human body ... but that many other measures were based on human labor or on some human evaluation of their worth," Alder says. "Land was measured in days (how many days of labor did it take to reap the harvest?) or in bushels (how many bushels of grain did it take to sow the land?)."
The new French leaders were determined to create a single standard based on the Earth, and assigned two astronomers, Jean-Baptiste-Joseph Delambre and Pierre-Francois-Andre Mechain, to travel the French countryside along the Paris meridian to determine its exact length from the English Channel to the Mediterranean. From that length, the meter would be extracted.
Delambre and Mechain's job wasn't easy. The country was still roiled by politics, transportation could be awkward, and their instruments, though the best of the time, can't compare to today's satellite- and laser-based systems.
Yes, the actual length of the meter -- compared with what was intended -- is a mistake. But it's a mistake that has "transformed the world," as the book's subtitle has it.
turkey for you
and turkey for me
wanna throw it up
but it's lodged in me
actually, the turkey was super amazing fucking good this year. apparently, all turkey needs is a half a bottle of my good old wild turkey whiskey. all that whiskey...(sob)....evaporated. but it sure makes the turkey extra nice and tender. well, I'm out to get a bottle of makers now. next, I wanna try to make that iron chef morimoto drunken lobster, the kind that are drowned in sake except that I feel kind of bad for the lobster...although I suppose that's not any worse than steaming them alive or pulling them apart while they're alive and sauteeing them as they're dying.
i had a short posted here but I took it off because I'm going to submit it to be published. it's a short short I wrote after taking the subway home after emma's birthday party and jenny's celebration. i'll post it back up later.
posted by Ren @ 2:20:00 AM |
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
weekends are way too short. good thing t-day vaca is only a daaaaaaaay aaaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaay! Annie's got some awesome tunes.
so on sunday jennifer and I came up with an awesome idea for xmas presents for everyone. we are so fucking brilliant. of course I almost spilled the beans like 50 times because apparently, all of the sudden, I've developed a ginormous mouth that won't shut the fuck up. i was yapping away all weekend to anyone and everyone who crossed my path. jennifer bore the brunt of it but she got even with me by taking up most of the bed when she slept over. so tomorrow, before emma's bday party, I'm going to run down to some [word deleted] stores to pick up some [word deleted] for the presents. yes, wonder. wonder away. I shall not rrrrreveal (that rrrr means the r is rolled) a thing until the time is right. just make sure I don't talk to any of you anytime before xmas.
xmas came early for me this year. my dad got me a gift certificate for the sharper image from his VISA rewards program. he really meant for me to buy myself a vacuum cleaner because I am always complaining about having to wipe the floors with sheets of bounty. but upon inspection of the sharper image's 2 vacuum cleaners, I decided I didn't want to waste the money on a $400 hypoallergenic (anyone who's allergic to vacuums clearly shouldn't be operating one) which the gc doesn't cover anyway or on a robot vacuum that dances. what genius came up with that. so, instead, I got myself something more essential than a clean apartment, a pocket-sized dig cam. it's wearable! this thing is seriously brilliant and it doesn't even feel like it's going to instantly snap in half when you touch it (even though it looks like it will). elphs, kiss my ass. although it's pretty sturdy, I'm still in constant fear that I will inadvertedly totally smash it into pieces, so I'm totally giving it the royal treatment - like it's a palm-sized newborn baby made of porcelain and eggshells. oh well, we'll see how it fares. i totally don't need the cam but I absolutely love it. see, all I need are material things. instahappy! my dad's the bestest. and I even had enough money left over to get him a corkscrew set which he was absolutely thrilled with. seriously, if you could have seen the smile that lit his face when he effortlessly opened a bottle of Lucas with it, it would have brought a tear to even your cynical, cynical eye. ah, there's nothing like furthering your old man's dangerous descent into alcoholism. i'm such a good daughter.
I've dropped the package off at Newark and now am all alone and sad, and hungry too. it was rainy and dark on the highway and all the damn cars were going less than 40 mph. I forgot my cell charger, naked, and harry potter in the rush to get to the airport and now all I have is this book I picked up on astral projection for $1 from a library book sale. if i learn to astral project this weekend, should I sign up for the CIA? or maybe I suppose I should just go shopping. xmas is coming up. fuck. what do you people want for xmas? why don't you all have wishlists? which reminds me, I shall be writing a review of wishlists soon (don't ask) and tuesday's review will be written up as soon as I borrow bu's cd from her.
so, in the car, I listened to the radio for the first time in weeks and all I gots to say about that is:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
I guess, die another day
I guess, die another day
I guess, die another day
I guess, die another day
nothing wakes me up and gets me out of bed like some good old fashioned, heart-stopping fear
when I was a kid, fear of my parents would get me out of bed, into my clothes, and on my way to school. in college, sometimes fear of missing an exam would get me out of bed and into the lecture hall. when I first started working, fear of being late would get me into the office pretty promptly - note: that was when I first started working.
sometime around 6am this morning, a loud rumbling shook my building and woke me up from a dead sleep - the rumbling continued, wind gusted through the cracks in my window. heart pounding, lickity split, I was out of bed and looking out the window to see if new york was now a steaming nuclear wasteland, if the gwb was in flames, or if columbia was a massive smoldering pile of bricks. and I tell you, I wouldn't have been surprised if I had seen any of that. surprisingly, everything looked in tact. not even meteors from last night's shower had struck anything in view from my window.
fuck you, september 11th, and fuck you, ridiculously loud construction vehicles. fuck you all.
also, sept 11th has totally disrupted my lucid dreaming. if I dream about planes crashing into times square or running away from falling buildings or chasing asshead bin laden, it doesn't occur to me in my dreams anymore that I'm dreaming. can you say traumatized? fuck you, asshead terrorists, fuck you. I am one traumatized girl.
posted by Ren @ 12:34:00 PM |
Monday, November 18, 2002
I am shallow. I am probably more shallow than the average shallow person. I like material objects. I like receiving them, buying them, owning them. owning material things makes me happy. more material posessions = happier me. almost as much as receiving and owning, I do like giving material objects as presents. however, if I really had to choose, I suppose I would rather have than give. afterall, if I have enough things, I'm sure I can throw you a bone or two after I've grown tired of something. I am shallow, and selfish.
there, I said it.
having said that, I really hate this girl. she made over $13,000 online appealing to anyone and everyone to save her from her credit card debt. why didn't I think of this first? I can't decide though if she's really smart or really stupid. making $13,000 online doing nothing would signify that this is a very brilliant, sly girl. however, remarks like these below on her website (Karyn's pearls or the Tao of Karyn, as I call them), make for a great case that she has the intelligence of an oxygen deprived toy poodle. All these are from the Daily Buck pages of her website.
"I lived a great, fun life being frivolous. I have memories, just like this purse, that I will have forever. So when I part with things like this, I need to remember and distinguish that I'm not parting with the memory, but with the purse. There's a big difference."
"Okay dude, here's your enlightenment... What I have to say is ewwwww.... I'm glad I'm not as pessimistic as you!"
"A computer is an important part of life, and one should not be without one. I keep getting emails from people that are like, "Duh, sell your laptop to pay off your bills!" I'd rather sell my couch to be honest. A computer is a necessary part of being a human in today's society. I cannot live without one. It's kind of like undereye cream. It's something that everyone needs."
"Like a pair of Prada shoes for $100, some things in life are just too good to pass up."
so brilliant, yet, so not.
(greg says that karyn's pearls are actually funnier when I read them aloud with in a lispy, ditzy but highfalutin-girl accent. so as you read them, imagine them in your head being read in a lispy, ditzy but highfalutin-girl accent)
hmm, irene (who was sober) says she didn't think any of us were all that drunk friday night...at all. even from my drunken standpoint, I think we were all pretty shitfaced and giggly all night. in fact, I couldn't remember some of the conversations I had until I really thought about it the next day. hard. anyway, can anyone else give me a take on how drunk we all seemed? I would really appreciate it. just curious.
so this dilemma came up thursday night after seeing probably one of the worst bands I've ever had the misfortune to be stuck in a room with - who would I be to give a terrible review for a terrible show of a terrible band who happens to be friends with someone I know? of course the answer in this case is to abstain, even though I have a ridiculous plethora of things to say about them. (tyrannosaurus rex arms.) but what about reviewing a terrible band I don't have any connections to? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - they're people too. (people who can't sing.) they're just trying to make it, doing something they love doing. (learn to love something else that you don't have to subject other people too, at least so loudly.) I mean, maybe they need a kick in the butt to tell them to stop wasting their time. (and other people's.) maybe they need someone who can objectively tell them they don't have a chance. (in 7 hells.) sure it's fine if they just want to play because they love to but it's a problem if they're really looking to become the next big thing. (because if they do, I will be the next President of the United States.) what it comes down to is if someone doesn't have what it takes (rhythm, song writing abilities, any musical talent), is it right to criticize their dreams and efforts?
good thing no one really reads this (especially those assoicated with said hypothetical terrible band I have absolutely no connections to).
posted by Ren @ 5:31:00 PM |
Saturday, November 09, 2002
hol y shit - pretty drunk - took quite an effort to log into blogger. went to see a GREAT janie superstar show. really don't know how I am up blogging. logged in really to check lotto. of course, didn't win. everyone else that was with me is passed out of course. jstar show was superb - loved all the songs. rocked out like crazy - woo hoo! took 4 LI iced-teas plus a tequla shot plus 2 strawberry margueritas to get like this. the world is a lovely place when drunk. funny how tolerable can be when drunk. fuck, I didn't win the lotto. fuck. how di d I get thsi drunk?
posted by Ren @ 2:13:00 AM |
Thursday, November 07, 2002
make sure your speakers are on, you're at home (and not at work), open this, and read the words along with the song. fascinating. thanks, mansoor!
posted by Ren @ 2:31:00 AM |
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
didn't val kilmer already do this in real genius? now that's a good movie.
unrelated (or is it), I just finished Lullaby and I am reserving my thoughts and opinions until I read his other novels.
even more unrelated, fucking cool! I got one of those letters from the nigerians! except, I'm not a sir. but otherwise, I'm feeling pretty special today - I have an opportunity to make 30% of US$15.5 million! woo-hoo! poor mr chienchen yu, getting slandered like that. well, he shouldn't have backed out of the deal and fucked the nigerians over. lesson: don't fuck with the nigerians. then again, seems this mr yu made a cool US$7.5 mill. hmm....
From: "Tunde Lawal" To: wonderfulren
Date: Tue, 5 Nov 2002 13:23:40 +0100
Subject: ACQUISITION OF ESTATES
ASSISTANCE REQUIRED FOR ACQUISITION OF ESTATES.
I write to inform you of my desire to acquire estates
or landed properties in your country on behalf of the
Director of Contracts and Finance Allocation of the
Federal Ministry of works and Housing in Nigeria.
Considering his very strategic and influential
position, he would want the transaction to be strictly
as confidential as possible. He further want his
identity to remain undisclosed at least for now, until
the completion of the transaction. Hence our desire to
have an overseas agent.
I have therefore been directed to inquire if you would
agree to act as our overseas agent in order to
actualise this transaction.
The deal in brief is that the funds with which to
carry out our proposed investments in your country is
presently in a coded account in the Nigerian apex bank
and we need your assistance to transfer the funds to
your country or any safe account outside your country
in a convenient bank account that will be provided by
you before we can put the funds into use. For this you
shall be considered to have executed a contract for
the ministry. The contract sum of which shall run into
US$15.5Million of which your share shall be 30% if you
agree to be our overseas agent. Your area of
specialisation does not matter in this transaction,
all that is required of you is a safe account and your
willingness to assist us acquire estates in your
As soon as payment is effected and the amount
mentioned above is successfully transferred into your
account, we intend to use our own share in acquiring
some estates abroad. For this too, you shall serve as
our agent . It might interest you to note that last
year, a similar transaction was carried out with one
MR. CHIENCHEN YU of Taiwan but after securing the
payment approvals, and payment effected, MR.CHIENCHEN
YU changed his numbers and addresses, and was no where
to be found on our getting to Taiwan. That was how we
lost US$7.5Million. So this time around , I will be
with you before the remmittance is made into your
provided account to avoid future occurrence and allow
trust to play a very minimal role until performance is
You are requested to communicate your acceptance or
otherwise of this proposal, through this email, Tel :+234-8033323113 or
Web Fax No.+1-755-593-6918. After which we shall discuss in details
the modalities for seeing this transaction through.
If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly
destroy this letter in view of the confidentiality of
the proposed transaction and interest of personalities
Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.
join the fun, stalk me, whatever! (actually, please don't stalk me). and I forgot to include the weekly Wednesday Bachelor get togethers. come on over to the apt anytime after 6 for food, drinks, and fun up the wazoo. we've got candy, lots n lots o' the halloween candy. save me before I eat all the candy. oh, and there's harry potter nov 15.
welcome to my incredibly mundane typically mid-20s social life. what's this life for? does scott stapp know my purpose on this plane?
hey did anyone know that scott stapp's birth name was anthony scott stapp...or ASS? that is just so friggin' awesome.